The Art of Shopping

I recently came across the following statement

A man gives $2 for a $1 object that he needs
A woman bargains (& gets) $1 for a $2 object which she doesn’t need

Obviously the statement originated from a woman-bashing male.
This post is not on the compulsive shopping behaviour that women show in general. No I don't have any tips on how to shop online or otherwise.

Over time I have noticed some things about shopping & I wanted to pen them down

Guys typically shop in acute necessity. Else they are perfectly happy wearing a comfortable shirt which has not been washed for some-time & long forgotten when & where it was born.
A girl will be able to tell you which are the other dresses she had picked up, tried & finally selected none from the lot.
A guy is happiest when he is comparing 2 gadgets which he has already researched long over net. He has already made up his mind that he is buying the gadget that day.
A girl would check out the object over net. Observe it physically & be perfectly happy in front of the mirror checking it out for an hour before finalizing that the object concerned is not actually a requirement
A guy listens to the price once. If it is not completely outrageous then he would pull out his wallet to pay for it.
A girl would bargain peacefully for 15mins even when she knows the price that has been quoted is the minimum.
A guy given the choice would keep wearing the black, white, grey or blue that he has been wearing for a long time unless he is made to buy (obviously by some well-wishing female in his life) or wear some other colour.
A girl would have atleast all the colours of the rainbow in her wardrobe & some.
A guy would never notice the tears in his clothes until someone points them out & blissfully forget them as soon as he takes it off.
A girl will not have a crease out of place in her attire.
A guy might have dust coated over his gadgets (eg speakers) when he has newer stuff to cloud his mind
A girl will carefully preserve the wrapping paper the object was brought in
A guy would finish his shopping in flat 15mins if he has anything to buy
A girl would take 15days to figure out what she wants to buy
A guy would not be spotted in a mall until he is dragged there to shop (by some well meaning female) or in guys group to watch the babes
A girl would be in a mall because she just wants to be there
A guy would buy a pair of jeans if it fits him & he likes the colour (possible he already has one identical)
A girl would figure out the current fashion & what she already has & what she can pair it with & where she can wear it &…
Accessories for a guy are something which he requires. Mobile, wallet, belt, wrist-watch & he is good to go.
Accessories for a girl…

Ok! I have been generalizing... a bit too much perhaps.
But I think most would agree that shopping for a guy is something that he does out of acute necessity & not by choice while a girl would be perfectly happy spending hours browsing through malls on consecutive days
This post is dedicated to all the females who have successfully bettered the wardrobes, environment & lives of guys along with theirs.
Those who complain that girls spend unnecessarily spend money please note they save money on other unnecessary expenses to sponsor their shopping sprees.
Also thank you ladies for keeping the flow of money in the system ensuring that the markets reach new highs & volumes.

Extremes

The dictionary meaning of the word Extreme when used as an adjective is "utmost or exceedingly great in degree". As a noun it perhaps signifies "one of two things as remote or different from each other as possible". As a statistician (i like to say i am a still a statistician even though i never use statistics in any sphere of life) i perhaps like the adjective use, as in "farthest from the center or middle; outermost; endmost" (depicts pictures of scatter plot with something called "outliers")

[a standing question (if i take the right meaning of liers) then "out-liers" are what?]

But this post is not about the word extreme. I have typically set the reader in a completely boring off-track.

Point is, those who have a hint of the life that i lead, often comments that i live my life on the "extremes".

Yes i do.

"1 trip a month at any cost" is what I have maintained for every month of this year. In-fact i started it at the fag end of last year.
If you are impatient enough to try & make sense of this post, the morale is that there is a cost to everything.
And this living life on the extremes puts extreme pressure on my bank account. (it sadly stays nearly empty by the 10th of any month)
It also puts extreme bloat in my pending credit-card bills. (why am i not perturbed)

Take for example....
1. This weekend i am going to Delhi
2. Next weekend a friend of mine is coming down from Mumbai
3. The weekend after that i expect 3 friends of mine to come down from B'angy
4. The weekend after that i am supposed 2 throw a housewarming party
5. The weekend after that i am supposed 2 land up in B'angy
6. The weekend after that i i have no idea of what i am doing (perhaps entertaining my next-door-neighbour [can't stop myself from doing the Indian English bit])
7. The weekend after that land up in Goa
8. The next 2 weekends are yet to be planned
9. And then the Puja weekend starts

[I must say it is EXTREME]

Please note i have stuck to my 1-trip-a-month schedule [even though it is going to EXTREMELY inflate my credit-card pending...] & contributed to the revival of the Indian Economy & the Global Economy.


Why this post?

I wanted to share... Perhaps make you jealous... Or perhaps to just let someone know... or want to say i need financial counseling...

Am i really lonely in Hyderabad or am i lonely

Lost It!!!!!

Today morning I had a conversation

With whom? Well with myself? Heck what am I trying to do... read on...

Hey do u know you are talking with yourself & not me
(a surprised voice joins in) who me!???!?!?!
(1st voice) yeah
(2nd voice) wait what am I doing now
(1st voice nonchalantly) you are talking with u r self
(2nd voice) right...
(a brief pause & 2nd voice) people who talk to themselves are supposed to be mad
(1st voice) are you mad?
(2nd voice) u have lost it
(1st voice inquisitively) u or me?
(2nd voice completely frustrated) why the hell am I continuing the conversation
(1st voice) don’t u know?
(2nd voice) what
(1st voice) I am here first hence I am the leader
(2nd voice) so what’s got to do with this conversation
(1st voice) I want to talk
(2nd voice) why
(1st voice) because I need to tell u
(2nd voice) what
(1st voice) u...
(2nd voice) am not lonely
(1st voice) naah
(2nd voice) then
(1st voice) u have lost it
(there is sudden background music.... like a fusion between Latin Beats with African Rhythm & Indian Music)
(a bright light is suddenly found approaching)
(a deep heavy voice in tune with the music sings) u have lost it.....
(1st voice) oh no
(Frightened & confused 2nd voice) now what
(1st voice with a deep sigh) here comes the singer...
(an excited 3rd voice) Hi Guys
(1st voice) finally u stopped singing
(3rd voice) well I realized u don’t listen to the song
(1st voice) ooh. sorry
(interested 2nd voice) what happened
(3rd voice) I sang him my id & he never realized what I said
(1st voice) I can’t listen to lyrics
(2nd voice) then what did u do
(3rd voice) yes I also need to know
(1st voice) I was enjoying the music... it was lovely
(the background music stops & a chirpy voice joins in) thanks for the compliment
(2nd voice) who are u
(4th voice) I am u
(2nd voice) what the !*&!@^$!$!@^$% are u saying
(a tired 1st voice) I am also u
(2nd voice) I am me
(a calm 3rd voice) I am also u
(a happy 4th voice) I am also u
(a flash of lightning & a excited voice) I am also u
(completely shocked 2nd voice) who are u
(extremely tired 1st, 3rd, 4th & 5th in chorus) u
(2nd voice with a sly smile) & I am me.... u stay 2gether....
(2nd voice) 1st tell me what do u want
(1st voice) I here to tell u
(2nd voice) what
(1st voice) u
(3rd voice) have
(2nd voice) what
(3rd voice) ha ha
(4th voice) he he
(5th voice) ho ho
(2nd voice) what
(all together) u have lost it
(what the hell is going on... I am talking with not only myself but with 5 other people)
(wait a second what did I just do) (what am I doing now)
oh no I have ..........

Bit of Confusion

I have not blogged for a long time. Not exactly sorry for that. I had started to write & then could not put an ending to it.
But this time i decided to join the "election bandwagon"
Don't worry i wont be posting my views on the recently concluded elections.
Last weekend i was with a friend of mine. (yes i know i always am with a friend). He claimed the the new Railway Minister had made a statement.
She(RM/Didi) was pointed by some female that in WestBengal especially Kolkata females dont feel secure any more. The female wanted to know what Didi had in mind to solve this issue(!!!???). As per my friend Didi had responded that she would try to bring back the "Para-Culture" back.
What is Para-Culture & how does it bring security? A few years ago from morning till late in the night you would find guys sitting at different points chatting or playing. These were guys who would be w/o work & didn't bother much as spending time was their only ambition. With the markets opening up & cost of living going up & also because suddenly people became conscious of the fact that there are opportunities if you are ready to put in a effort. Sadly there was not sufficient oppertunities & hence there was a huge (actually mind-boggling) of males initially & later youth from WB. Hence the empty streets(?) & the insecurity.

My confusion: were these "bekar" guys the reason for insecurity in some cases? It has taken The ruling govt in WB 30+ yrs to push out all the industries (with help from the opposition in the last few years) How soon would this be overturned? Given the high intensity work that people are forced to take up how much would it be possible to stand guard every evening?

Hi-Tech Saraswati Pujo

In this new e-age where young men & women live far from where they were born & brought-up it is expected that these people would like to hold on to their cherished childhood memories.

Saraswati Pujo or Swaraswati Puja is a very popular religious activity among Bengali’s. Any educational institute or any house with a family member still studying would like to have this performed at their place.
People also say that this is Bengali’s Valentines Day. Well it is spring & love is in the air. Girls dress up in traditional dresses & look cute. Guys get to meet the gals at the different Puja Pandals. The opportunity to meet without a “guardian” standing over your shoulder is usually not missed & …
But as always I had started deviating from what I had started this post with.

Last weekend when I was getting ready to take asylum at Srisailam, a friend of mine calls me up.
“Yes tell me”
“You are doing the Saraswati Pujo at our place next week”
“I cant do it”
“Give the phone to your apartment-mate”
30 seconds later my apartment-mate gives back the phone.
“What did u say?”
“I said Yes”
“WHAAAATTTTTT”
“Don’t…. I am not ready to think on this… Let the cyclone pass”

That was last Sunday. On Wednesday we are reminded that we are supposed to perform some rites. We realize my apartment-mate (henceforth referred to as The Priest) is going to perform the rites of the Pujo for the 1st time. He confirms my worst fears saying “I cant back out now”. On top of that we do not know any of the slokas’. We do not know any of the rites either. We decide we would google the next day or else we would ask some-one to courier us the study-material in time. Friday evening I am in office when suddenly my friend (henceforth is referred as The Client) calls up. I pick up the phone filled with apprehension.
“I have procured the Idol. Panchami is till 4:30 in the afternoon”
“ooh… ok”
I get back home & finally when my apartment-mate/the Priest returns we start discussing what to do. He calls up his father at 11:30 in the night & takes dictation of all the slokas. Please note he had taken the dictation in English.
Next day like any typical Saturday, we wake up late at 10:30, confident that we would be able to make it well ahead of the deadline of 4:30 to complete the rituals. Unfortunately the electrician comes to fit the fans, which has been lying on the drawing room floor for the past 2 months. We are forced to postpone (actually thankfully) our target time of departure.
We had initially planned to take the bus (to save money) but given that we had a new issue, we revised our mode of transport to auto. But the priest took a look at the heat-wave (yes Hyderabad is already hot. 33C to be precise) outside & demanded that we call a cab. He said that we would get it reimbursed from our Client.

We leave finally at 12:35. The priest is wearing a crushed formal shirt (because that was the only freshly washed shirt he had), a pair of jeans, torn chappals (we had plans to get it repaired on the way at our own expense) & a pair of cool sun-glasses.
He had the most prized object in his pocket, the paper which had all the slokas written down.

We reach at their place to realize that 1 room has been totally dedicated for the Pujo. The idol was in position. There was a brief confusion on which direction it should be facing but 1 phone call to a senior member of the family ended the problem.
We started arranging all the utensils & other objects got from the shop for the Pujo. The Priest comments “I doubt if I can use all the resources that are placed here”. He has no idea what he is supposed to do with what.
The client pushing his memory to the extreme arranged the best he could. His wife pitched in with declaring that Khichuri is on the gas. This declaration fueled the speed of everyone’s activities.
In between the Priest goes & takes a power-nap while all the rest are buzy deciding on how to get the decoration done. The final solution was to take print-outs of the necessary decoration & cut them out.
Finally at 3:05 we embark on the execution of the rites keeping an eye on the watch (because the deadline is approaching fast) & at the kitchen (where the payment remained). The paper with written down directions & the print-out of some more sloks are placed in front & the priest begins. It is a fight trying to get the pronunciations correct but I must say he did a formidable job. With only the minor hiccup of saying Goutam Kumar Gotro instead of Goutam Gotro & over-using the flower resource he completed the rites. Inputs were regularly & gladly accepted from the Client(s).


At the end of the day it is the FAITH which matters...

Sreesailam e Asylum

coming soon....

Hurdles on the Road

Have you pondered on the in-numerable hurdles that one comes across on the road?
Nah am not talking of the Road of Life. Life is too complex & filled with hurdles to even dare to ponder (onit). I am talking on the regular roads, the paved paths, which take you from point A to point B.
What is there to ponder on?
Take the example when you are riding with a pillion rider. Heaven help you if that person can also rides on his own. He would be pouring on advice which he believes you won’t be thinking off. Or he might firmly believe that you are totally deaf & blind & are riding purely on luck.
Even if you don’t have someone polluting your ears, there is the traffic on the road. Every driver believes that given the opportunity they would beat Michael Schumacher or Valentino Rossi by at-least a lap. On top of that they also believe that they own the road. Hence if you are in the driving seat you would have to constantly guess what the other drivers are going to do.
On top of all this you would have to take into considerations the incoming vehicles & people at any moment (with-out warning obviously) from any side of the road.
I was given a piece of advice (from a friend of mine) regarding folks crossing the road.
If it is a young kid or an oldie then hit your horn hard & accelerate. The person would get frightened & stop & you can safely pass them from the front.
If it is a teenager or a young man, don’t bother to hit the horn just slow down. They would be over-confident & aggressive enough to continue on their path & you can safely pass them from the behind.
But if it is a young female then brake & begin to pray. She is too unpredictable for you to be safe. And heaven forbid if you even come close to hitting her. All the people around would become her brother & bash you up. Yeah I know the last part is bit cheap but the advice was so…

If you were not completely wrecked thinking so many stuff after trying to figure out which route to take then there are some more hurdles.
The traffic police for one. The main job of the traffic police is to ensure smooth movement of the vehicles. But most traffic personnel I have come across are more interested in some other actions. Pocketing money. So while riding/driving you would have to keep an eye for the traffic police & if you spot one immediately check off all the reasons he can apprehend you & take proper evasive action.
I would not go into the potholes & the sudden horizontal dug-ups (for laying some object like wires). Riding around pot-holes is something you must learn fast if you want to increase the life-time of the shock-absorber & not have a cross-country ride right in the middle of the city.
There are also some unexpected objects which might jump up in your path.
A public bus which had a break-down is standing right in the middle of the road. And some stones & a branch are jutting out. & it is just twilight.
Puts a shiver down your spine, while the heart jumps, as you evade it.
Or an auto riding through the middle of the road. Some of my friends know how badly I had reacted.
But the best one ever was a _________. Thankfully I was not at the driver’s seat. But I must say that this one extends the imagination a bit but it was actually true. Imagine a dark night. Cloudy no moon night. The roads are empty & the street-lights are off. All of a sudden you see 2 red-lights light up. & you are approaching it very fast. You brake & shift on the left side of the road. As you pass the suddenly braked car throwing as many explicit you can remember. You are shocked to find a white horse standing in your path. Blinded from the headlights it stands in the middle of the road. Poor creature. And Maneka Gandhi is the last thought before your mind before it crashes out.