Thursday, December 9, 2010

Insane Driving

If you are here trying to get tips on driving you are surely either on a very wrong page or else a very correct page.


First a few personal updates.
1. I have shifted to Bangalore
2. I am working with Dell now
3. I am putting up with 2 very close friends or Joydevians
4. I am sorry for not writing for some time << as though any 1 cares >>
5. I am also sorry for not being able to let all my friends updates. If you don’t have my current number then please sms @ my Hyderabad #

Now that i have rambled enuf let me get to the topic

Hyderabad had given me a fair share of experience of driving.[{[previous blog at Hurdles on road ]}]

In Bangalore i have a pretty interesting experience till now
Take 1
My office is right at the beginning of a long stretch of road. Since a U turn would be a long journey the auto-walls charge a premium. A colleague of mine narrated how she would fight with the auto-walls. Inspired i have taken a similar stance. One day leaving early & looking for an auto i realize i can cross the road & by-pass the premium. When i crossed over after a bit of patient waiting & got an empty auto. I was surprised that it was the same auto-walla who had asked for the premium right at the gate. He still claimed the premium. When i asked why. He responded "ghum ke to aaya na"

Take 2
Ok another auto-walla.
Imagine the scene. A heavily populated road just before a junction. I am on the footpath looking for an auto. A auto crawls to a stop in front of you. As soon as i looked at the autowalla all my anger (for crawling at a slow speed & playing loud music) evaporated. He was huge & was attired just like Rajnikant. He put off the music & nodded his head to ask where. I said Dell office & he nodded at me to get in. Started his engine & while i was wondering if i should get in he quoted a price which was neither the right price nor much dearer than it. I agreed & directed him to drive faster. I reached office in 5 mins where in the traffic it takes over 10 mins. On-route the Rajnikant auto-walla honked out a scorpio. I am a die heart Rajnikant fan now.

Take 3
Another colleague was a rally car driver. Currently he has sobered down but drives pretty fast. In his swift he hits 100 when he shift into 4th gear. After that i felt not putting on the seat-belt was definitely a mistake

Take 4
My apartment mate loves machines. He has been riding around his bike for some time. Pillion riding with him i got the best advice ever. His point is simple. No one hits from behind. So take off your rear-view mirrors.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Scene kya hain - Equus ferus power

A group of friends land up in a tourist spot in the western ghats
They have come to the base of the tourist spot in a car & would now take horses to the peak.

Act 1 (2mins): 2 guys first get on the 1st pair of horses & 1 handler with them leave ahead of the others. Another trio gets on & leave with an handler. The last handler ensures the last 2 guys of the party gets on the horses properly.
By this time the 1st set of people are way ahead. In the 2nd set one person has been riding for some time & moves ahead while the handler is right behind with the 2 horses.
The last 2 have watched a lot of National Geographic, Discovery & Animal Planet to discuss between them how best to ride a horse.

Act 2 (2secs)

Suddenly there is a commotion

Camera 1 (The camera is set in the front & pans back towards the last 5 riders):
One of the last 2 riders (Advanced) is hugging the neck of the horse & racing
< wow this guy really knows to ride >.
Suddenly in the canvas the other of the of the last riders streak in with the rider (Retarded). It seems that he is also an excellent rider
< this guy is not stable on land but put him in another situation & he becomes bond >
< these people are so good riders that they are racing each other amazing>

The horses are apparently racing each other & as they pass a clump of trees Retarded is found missing from the horse & on the ground.
The horses are about to jump over a trench when they stop & Advanced drops from his horse like a free falling "orange" from an tree.
Retarded is still on the ground & as the camera pans back the the handler is seen shocked & rooted at the extreme end

Camera 2 (Advanced):
As the discussion on horse riding was full-on, the horse on its own turns from extreme right of the road, to take a left alley. The reins were loose & as the horse picks up speed the reins slip completely out of his hands.
< all concepts of horse riding vaporize instantly & survival is the only agenda >
Advanced holds on the saddle for dear life. He realizes that at that speed it is an extremely bad proposition & hugs the neck of the horse.

Suddenly Advanced notices a horse alongside him racing with-out its rider.
< shocked out of his senses >
He observes an deep trench in front & prays for his life. As he hugs the horse tighter it suddenly stops & turns. As the horse turns Advanced raises his head & sees Retarded on the ground. He immideately decides that the ground is the safest place & tries to get off the horse.
His left feet gets stuck in the stirrups & he falls on his back with his leg still stuck to the stirrups.
< lucky to be alive >

Camera 3 (Retarded):
While the discussion was on how to best adjust to the rhythm of the horse, Advanced horse starts crossing over from right & cuts across. Retarded's horse also tries to take the left & Retarded pulls the reins with his right hand to get it back on the road.
The horse flings his head & the rein slips from Retarded's right hand. Now the horse starts to chase the other horse & Retarded is riding it with the rein in just 1 hand.
As the horse picks up top speed, a tree with a slanting branch looms up on the right. To avoid the tree Retarded leans back on the left. As he is congratulating himself he realizes there is another tree right in front of him at a much steeper angle & itz approaching fast.
Retarded already dis-balanced, leans even more to realized his back-pack is too heavy & is now way out of the ideal line for central of gravity. A last ditch attempt to pull himself up with his left arm on the rein is fruitless & he falls down.
Retarded watches his horse race away from him & catch up Advanced horse & then they stop & Advanced with his orange back-pack also lands on the ground. Retarded heart comes to a stop when he sees his horse come back & passes prancing & extremely close to Advanced who is on his back buzy to free his feet stuck to the stirrup.

It is unfortunate that the camera's were not in place when this incident took place live.
It is even more unfortunate the relief on the face of Advanced is not captured when he realizes he escaped unhurt & is alive.
The biggest miss was the incredulous expression of the horse handler who was initially frightened to have caused mayhem in the life of his 2 customers when one responds (to the question that if they wanted to ride any more) "fir se girenge!!!! use zyada aaur kya hoga..... usi ghore pe charna hain"

A close brush with extreme danger for 2
A regular feature for a few
A blur of activities for some, to realize something massive has happened only after it was over
A comic incident for some

Just a question
What do call a person who laughs when he comes to know that his friend is down

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

FIFA World Cup

Now that the top 16 have been formally declared i think i need to post some on ...

After all football is my favourite sport. I know quite a few eyebrows are up. Me & sports...

But football... Swimming is what i enjoy the most. But if i ever played any sport with passion it was football.
Also i was born on a day when the then defending champion Italy played out a dour 1-1 draw against Cameroon. No i have no memories of that. But in 1986 all my father had to do was to come sit beside me & say Maradona is playing. I would instantly crawl up irrespective of however much sleepy (or asleep) i was, to right in front of the tv & plonk my self there. That Man is God in football. He is ofcourse more interesting off the pitch perhaps. But when he is there you know you will forget reality.

Before i start on the teams & my views on them (dont worry i am in no way planning to become a sports writer) i have a couple of suggestions.
In the Champions League there is an extra referee behind each goals. This has two fold advantage. One is there are better refereeing. Also there is better exchange of views & carry over of best practices of refereeing. I am not very happy with the standards of refereeing this world cup. Supposedly 2014 WC we shall be able to see this. How about a ball with a chip & a homing device right under the center. No need of linesman to let people know if the ball was out of play or not.
Nor am i happy with the ball. Any shot which flies anything more than 20 yards is totally unpredictable. Also the ball is seemingly difficult to grip. The goalkeepers are now forced to punch out the balls & i do sympathise with them.

Before the teams some really good players.
Obviously i have to start with the mesmerizing Messi. Then there is Forlan, Higuain, Elano, Villa, Tevez, Ozil, Sanchez, Santos, Sneijder.......

But I am not trying to be the sports writer.

On the prediction though <<< I by the way have got all my predictions wrong in the last few years.... still >>>...

Argentina plays Brazil where Brazil the only team to have won outside their continent shall ....

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Towel Day

Today is Towel Day

1 ex-colleague, senior,... had once commented.
There exists God iff God is equivalent to DNA.
Where DNA stands for Douglas Noël Adams

I was floored the 1st time i read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or H2G2 as it is generally referred.
And then i read the Dirk Gently series.
I am not competent enough to comment on His writing skills but would warn you that you require a minimum amount of intelligence to even comprehend what He is writing. Also rarely has anyone (i know who has read His writings) been able to figure out what He is writing, on the 1st read.

His writing had intrigued me find out more about Him.
I am really proud of the ingenious techniques He had used as an environmental activist. His action of wearing a rhino suit & scaling Mount Kilimanjaro for Save the Rhino organization immediately endeared Him to me.
He was a serious fan of technology & had understood the amount technology would effect future. Perhaps that is why He was so closely associated with Mac & had taken personal interest in the interactive fiction of H2G2.

My favourite quote of his: I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Another one: Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
Another: You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
Another: To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity.
Another: The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.
Another: The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.

I can go on since i believe most of His lines are quotable

He has given us the answer to the ultimate question. It is 42. It is upto us to figure out what the ultimate question is... but the ans is 42.

He died of a heart attack at the age of 49 on 11 May 2001. A really sad day.
The biologist Richard Dawkins (dedicated his book, The God Delusion, to Adams) expressed the sentiment pretty well by writing "[s]cience has lost a friend, literature has lost a luminary, the mountain gorilla and the black rhino have lost a gallant defender."

Friends, readers, fellow mortals... join me today to pay homage to a great human being. Please carry along your towel.

Friday, May 7, 2010

The Conversation

The following conversation has not taken place. Except perhaps in my imagination
If some people feel familiar please excuse

I have a very close set of friends
We for the last some years, have been keeping a very close tab of each others.
A few of these have tied the knot & few are to going to do the social needful in the near future.

Some time in the very close future a great & final get-together of all the blokes was supposed to be organized.

LIIT: We have finally been able to gather around all together for 1 more time
Tequila: Ofcourse when we want we do it...
Beer: What have we gather for...
Goose: We have lots of grievances against each other
Kalua: Letz enjoy the party 1st. Let me put on some music
Tequila: Letz enjoy the party first. where is the nesha...
Chele1: I am having this
BloodyMary: Kalua i want Comfortably Numb
Jhonny: I want large
VirginMary: Pink Flyod is GOD
AppleTwist: Hello Hello ... Yes.....ofcours
Martini: WTF ppl r buzy on ph. Kalua push it harder

A strange background music starts... & lights are dimmed... strange shapes are formed around... which continues for some time when a flame lights up...

slowly lights are brightened & music softened... people wanna talk...

Tequila: Lovely music
AppleTwist: Ok bye... You too... what were we talking about
Goose: Changes you have gone through post marriage
AppleTwist: Lovely changes... not drastic for me you know...
LIIT: Really like what
Martini: Letz not go into that now
VirginMary: Where is Pink Flyod
Kalua: Listen to this... this is nice as well
Tequila: What are we talking on
Goose: Grievances as per agenda
Beer: What grievances
LIIT: Letz start with you
BloodyMary: Ok
LIIT: Bloody Or Virgin who ever... what grievances do you have... against anyone
VirginMary: People shoot of their mouth...
Tequila: And we have to defend for them against close friends... actually others close friend
Beer: Do we need to put up pretenses
LIIT: Don't we
Kalua: That is a separate matter
Jhonny: Yes grievances we have
LIIT: I have grievances against life
Martini: I am tired of hearing that. What is your problem
Tequila: You are not supposed to have any grievance against me
Kalua: Do we not
Beer: Do we not what
Goose: Grievances against each other
Beer: What is the grievance against me
LIIT: we have been hearing rumours that you are getting married
Tequila: Some have even gone ahead & made reconnaissance trips
BloodyMary: I will get the hats
Jhonny: I am game
LIIT: But you are yet to make the phone calls
Tequila: Tickets are ***** expensive
Kalua: Why did you not let us know that you are doing a block booking
Martini: That should not be an issue
Goose: Is it not... not everyone can afford what others can
AppleTwist: Not everyone needs to face blackmail
LIIT: Everyone is making personal reasons to support the grievances
VirginMary: Not everyone
Jhonny: I am out
Tequila: The point is everyone is high
Martini: Why bother
Kalua: At the bottom of the heart he is a Good Person
LIIT: So what do we do
BloodyMary: When are we meeting next

If some feel the characters are too familiar please forgive...

Friday, March 26, 2010


This story is for you Rapunzel....

Once upon a time in a world very much like us there used to be a beautiful Princess called Rapunzel.
She was not very tall but packed a punch of energy inside her. She was pretty, cute & had a smile which could light up the whole world. My! she used her smile abundantly & won over hearts everywhere. She was caring. & being a kid who never wants to grow up she goes around chasing butterflies on the fields, with her long tress flowing after her.

Rapunzel was in school & all the kids in school were crazy about her. She was not only the star student but also active participant in all non-academic activities. Her friends adored her & were they plenty. Still she managed to keep friendship with whoever wanted to be friends to her.
She had a particular friend on whom she relied a lot. This friend was the son of the blacksmith who lived just outside the palace. Rapunzel & this friend Guddu were partners in crime. Rapunzel would escape from the tower late in the evening & they would play in the gardens.

Slowly as Rapunzel got a bit older she wanted to check out the wider world. She would drag Guddu further & further away from the palace. Guddu although wanted to be part of Rapunzel's escapes slowly had to refrain. He had to support his aging father in his work. Rapunzel would visit the market & even go to the dark alleys.
1 day she met a rider named Bozec. She was instantly swiped off her feet. Bozec had a white horse & a matching armour. He was soft spoken & extremely caring. Bozec too fell in love with Rapunzel even though he didn't know that Rapunzel was the Kings daughter. Rapunzel took care that Bozec never learn about her true identity.
Their love-story flowed. They would go for long rides in the country-side.
One day the King got to know of this. He was angry that her daughter had broken his faith. He locked up Rapunzel in the tower.

Guddu was extremely sorry. Everyday morning he would gather fresh flowers & toss them up the tower to a window which he knew was Rapunzel's. In the evenings when Rapunzel would sit longingly at the window Guddu would sit on the roof. If there was sufficient light & Rapunzel spotted him she would wave with a sorry smile. For Guddu these were the perfect days.

1 night he felt a strange urge & took a grappling hook & mustered enough courage to climb up the tower. Rapunzel was shocked at first but then was extremely happy to see her old friend. They talked all night & when it was nearing dawn Guddu got up to return. Rapunzel asks Guddu a favour. She wanted Guddu to find Bozec & bring him to her. She was sure that he could be found early in the morning. Guddu didn't know how to respond. He was put in a bigger fix when he heard that Bozec as per Rapunzel drops her flowers. He smiles & says he would do everything he can.
Guddu searches desperately for Bozec. But Bozec is no where to be found. The only news he got from the tavern is that Bozec was last seen with suspected robbers & heading towards the forest. Guddu was not sure how his Rapunzel would react. But as promised he climbed the tower again. Rapunzel was totally shocked. She sobbed all night fearing the worst for Bozec. Near dawn when she had stopped & Guddu was about to leave she decided she is going to go into the jungle to find him. Guddu tried to dissuade her but she was adamant. Finally Guddu agreed to help her as he has never been say a no to his Rapunzel.

2 nights later Guddu watched Rapunzel head towards the jungle at the dead of the night. Guddu had to swear on Rapunzel's life that he would not follow her into the jungle & neither would he ever let anyone know what he had done.
The King was furious. But more than his fury he was saddened. He blamed himself for being so hard on his daughter. He sent his best men but they returned without even a trace of her. Guddu was crestfallen & deeply regretful. He waited for some months just outside the forest for any news. All the news he got was of the robbers. These robbers were ruthless & fewer & fewer people used the jungle route. One misty morning Guddu just decided that he cant take it any more. He just rode into the forest with full determination of finding out what happened with his Rapunzel.
He got caught by the robbers & since he didn't have any money on him he was sent to the captivity chamber. There he found that Rapunzel was locked as well. Bozec didn't turn out to be the person who he supposed to be.

Here i would take a leave.
I want to leave my readers to decide what ending they wants... imagine & post some...
I would like to know what sort of endings do my readers like

1. Guddu saves Rapunzel from Bozec & returns to the kingdom...

2. Or let the story end here itself

3The King himself direct the army into the jungle catch the robbers
3a tragic ending: the robbers kill Rapunzel
3b dramatic ending: Guddu acts as the saviour for Rapunzel & dies in the ...
3c possible ending: Rapunzel survives & so does Guddu. The king arranges for a swayamvara & Guddu patiently awaits outside the hall to know the prince charming to whom Rapunzel...

4 A twisted turn would be Bozec was a spy for the king. He finally saves Rapunzel as well as Guddu & the live happily ever after....

what ending would u like....

The Married Man

I have come to an age where every person i meet asks me "when are you getting married".

Marriage are made fun of by most bachelors. I would like to add a fair number of spinsters i came across were there cracking jokes as well...
But now i am at a stage where people all around me feel i should get married.

Reasons for why i should get married are pretty interesting.

One reason is i would get a companion.
Another strange one from a senior colleague : "bache jab bigar jaate hain tab unki shaadi kara dea jaate hain" ..... errr... emmm... aaaa....eeee...ooookkkk okkk okk ok. main bigra-what-ever
An caring one; "dinner pakaya hua mile ga"
1 factual: after a couple of years or more you would require some1 within your hands reach, whom you can wake up & say call the ambulance

The place i work has a mix of married & unmarried people. The group i go for lunch with are mostly married or are about to get married.
A remark from there: movie jane ki partner mill jayega..
Another one: Restaurant er naam guloi bole jabi... khete ja kauke nea ebaar... onek to holo

There are some who give ambiguous answers. Interesting change aayege. What change???!!!?!?

Some has pacified me. I am supposed to wake up 1 fine morning & say i am getting married.

Some has point-blank told me that i have grown old enough.

Some has warned me saying if you are not financially confident that you can take care of another person then don't

There are some who warn me: bahut badal na parega

I have been unfortunate enough to be at an age where your mother firmly believes that you should get married. All your aunts support her vehemently & uncles slightly grudgingly.
I also realized this is also the time when a significant number of your friends are married. Some are living with a female partner. Did you guys read the news where Supreme Court quashed the 20 some case against Khusboo the South Indian actress. I am sorry to call all of Andhra, Tamil, Karnataka & Kerala as South Indian. I had to become immune to being called Northies.

Coming back to the topic. these friends of mine has allowed me a very close glimpse of the married life.

The first remarkable thing i noticed was that all females are extremely finicky about cleanliness. The males not used to these high standards face remarkable discomfort at the best. Typically a bachelor would wear his jeans for a month (give or take 30 days). As soon as he gets hit by a female entity he suddenly gets cleaner. His pad gets a total makeover. His expenses also get a change of direction.
I must add that the maximum that a guy can be clean i can show u atleast 100 females who can consider it the bare minimum.
There is a strange complication in this. A married colleague of mine has a set of n number of favourite bed shirts. 1 fine day he realized a few of them were in the washing machine. He had to take out one more from the cupboard & had gone down to get a pack of milk on a lazy holiday morning. When he came back he was forced to go for a bath & came out to realize that this t-shirt has also been put for washing. In the night he realized the last shirt was also in the dump for further washing. Amusing is it? Rings a bell? Well for him it was painful for him to convince his wife for another 15 mins of why he cant wear the slightly wet t-shirt. I have no clue how i would react.

Interestingly, as soon as these male friends escape from the over-see of their other half, they indulge in their old bachelor days. Same routine. Cleanliness blowing in the wind. The reason is more to be hyper than be so dirty.

an saddening remark: because that is what u r supposed to do

If you are coming at terms to the cleanliness portion then let me remind you that they add a new dimension. Neatness. How does it matter if the cloths are hanging on the cloths line for more than a day. Why must the wet towel immediately put out to dry. Why cant a shirt be left to lie on the bed for some time? Strange questions!!!??

Then again a philosophical take: a person who finds answers to those would get bliss
(WAhhhaaa.... as though every day 1 lucky guy gets nirvana.)

and then there is a dark side

You might have to answer for a straight few days if she is looking fat or not. Then all of a sudden face her wrath coz she cant fit into her some xyz dress.

You find her angry at you for a reason which you cant fathom & bear out all the after-effects of a storm. 1 bachelor friend of mine had got so frightened that he had locked himself in a room till the firing was over.

You will realize that you are the chauffeur cum porter com financier com escort cum security cum.....
Your dressing your activity schedule your free "me" time are changed. Is all change good or Change is just the only thing constant

there are other strange mood swings that the females would have. It takes a lot of caring, understanding, handling, cocooning, controlling, frustrations...... Then you realize you have to match up with strange comparisons with all the important males in their life.

And then there are the in-laws. There are so strange problems that people have with their in-laws. Even relatives create ruckus.

and there is the matter of fact types: Thats what everyone ends up doing

Dont get hyper. It may seem that i am extremely anti-females. That is far from the truth. It just some differences which makes me pluck out whatever few strands of hair left on my head.
Take for example beautification. A room if is of a bachelor then it will have plain walls or wild posters. Table lamp is perhaps the only lamp. But a female would make the room WOW just by adding
A guy would fail while a girl will convert a house to a home.

The irritating types: Dimag kyun kha ta hain. Karle le re baba karle

The poking one: Have anything better to do

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Just keep producing CARROTS

Today I am telling the truth.

I am lazy... ok I know everyone knows that.
I am unpunctual... after the first couple of meets everyone would agree to that
I am fun loving, gregarious, extrovert, bla bla bla... apparent evident whichever you choose
I am cranky... self evident
I am greedy.... errr on matters of food
I am a dreamer... most believe so
I am idealistic... some would know
I am a good listener... some would agree
I am a hypocrite........ few would agree
I have a huge ego thanks to some misplaced superiority complex even though I have nothing worth as much as I would like to believe.
If you have time then read this link where you would get a good idea of getting along me
I am as much a liar as any other person & the worst is I lie to myself. 1 more chocolate won’t do much more harm than whatz already done....

But this post is not about me...

What is it about? Well nothing actually. I have not posted anything for sometime. Those which I have written half & left.....
& today I was reading stale news of India's reaction to statement to US Ambassador & felt a terrible urge to just lock Pakistan, Afghanistan in a box & just let them march back to mid 14th century. Enough is enough.... if you can’t keep yourself clean then you should be sealed.
But then it is not necessary that everyone succeeds
Is it?
There is a saying in Bangla. Uttom chole Odhom er sathe, Sei Modhom je chole Tofaate (The Great will walk with the Lowest Lows, Itz the Middle (class) who will strive to be different)

I am a typical guy... the typical Middle, with typical middle-class thoughts, ambitions, desires etc. But unlike many I am gem of a procrastinator.

India my nation is also developing i.e. Middle. India is defined by a bulging middle class. I have picked up the attributes as a loyal resident. I have also picked up the values & etc. And I am also seriously lacking in ethics. I have also not learnt discipline.

Btw I lack grit & vision. Also I was not kidding when I was talking about lying. If I can lie to myself I can….

Before I conclude I would like you to also ponder on the following enlightenment I got...

Any PAT ON THE BACK for Pakistan is a STICK ON THE BACK for India. All US has to do....

PS: I am bit surprised that i had explain how pets are trained. Perhaps my animal side endears me to fellow animals.
Imagine a ground, a horse & a trainer. The horse would perform a trick well he would be fed a carrot. If he did not, then got a pat with the dressage.
Now imagine 2 horses... 1 trainer... & 1 whip... naaah no need to do that... all he has to do is......